Serving your family joyfully
The Problem
I recently posted about a woman’s sin nature, which is a great segway into this topic. God created women to be keeper’s of the home, according to Titus 2:5. Men and woman are made equal in the eyes of God but we do have different roles.
When I was working full time at my corporate job, I didn’t feel like I was doing a good job keeping up the home—even though I was working remotely. Though I was home, this made sense since I was working a full time job (it just cut out commute time). We were behind on laundry (even with my husband’s help). Grocery shopping and cooking was on the back burner, leaving a lot of wasted money ordering out. I felt like I was drowning trying to keep up with a 40 hour work week, taking care of a baby, and managing a home, even with my husbands help. My mental health wasn’t good. I was stressed and in survival mode. So was my husband. We weren’t thriving as a family.
The solution
God started to convict me about this. When I obeyed, He opened the door to many miracles—which allowed me to stay home without increased financial pressure on my husband. I am beyond thankful the Lord gave me this opportunity to be the one who is home with and raising my children, to be a true keeper of the home, and to really be present and pour into my family.
I am especially grateful. I know it’s not something that is feasible for everyone, and many women would love the opportunity to get to stay at home with their children! I want to put a disclaimer out there. If you do not stay home and you work, there is no condemnation. It is not law or sin if you don’t stay home and embrace this role. I will say, it is ideal now being on the other side of it. If you get the opportunity to do so, you are blessed.
The sin
I have to remind myself of this, because if I’m honest, there are times in my sin nature where I don’t feel grateful. There are times where I treat this opportunity like a burden instead. I have moments of bitterness and resentment. If I’m not careful, some of my thoughts can go something like the following: “All I do is serve everyone else. I can’t even sit on the toilet to pee without someone needing me. My husband better do X,Y, and Z when he gets home. I’ve been dealing with tantrums and being at the mercy of this small child all day. I need a break. What about me?”
My selfishness and sinful bend as a human rises up and the negative chatter starts. I start to get grumpy, resent my situation, and wish these years away to when my children are more independent. I have to keep my thought life in check, otherwise it will come out in my words and actions—especially toward my husband. Any stay at home moms, especially with babies and small children you know what I am talking about.
I have to take those thoughts captive and replace them with God’s truth. God wired us to stay home and nurture and raise the kids. Yes, men can cross paths with our role and can feed them, change a diaper, do bath time, play with them, and do bed time stories. However, they can’t be in two places at once. Your husband cannot help you with the children when he is out providing for the family.
The remedy and the truth
I have to remember that I am literally walking out the call God placed before me. I GET THE PRIVILEGE and opportunity to be home with my children, nurture them, raise them up and teach them in God’s ways. It’s definitely hard work. It’s challenging when you deal with tantrums. It’s a dance to steward time being hands on and intentional with the kids while keeping up with meals, managing the home, and housework. But it’s worth it. Don’t let your sinful tendencies rob you of this precious time that you’ll never get back.
God made you and equipped you for this. I recently read a meme that said “whenever you feel discouraged, just remember, you are the center of the universe to tiny humans you made from scratch. You’re kind of a big deal.” It is so true. You are a big deal. Through Christ, He will empower you to fulfill this big call.
It doesn’t always feel like a big call though. There are days I don’t brush my teeth until after lunch and I usually don’t shower until the afternoon. It’s hard to feel like you are doing big things from the Kingdom when you are wiping down high chair trays three times a day, wrestling with a toddler to change their diaper, and constantly cleaning up food off the floor. There are times when I cry at the end of the day out of built up frustration because of tantrums. But guess what? You truly ARE doing Kingdom work. You are creating disciples. It’s not glamorous, but it’s pleasing to God. He sees you and your efforts. He sees the sacrifice you made giving up your career to fulfill the honorable call of being home.
When you have your quiet time in front of your kids, they are watching you. When you apologize and repent after you messed up—they are watching you. When you control your emotions and share discipline and correction in love—they are watching you. When you love your husband well and respect him,—they are watching you. When you workout and take care of your temple when you are dog tired—they are watching you. They will eventually model what you model. Do you see how important your job is?
El Roi, the God who sees
The love and effort you put into being present, spiritually and emotionally supportive of your husband—God sees. The times you get little sleep and power through when you are tired—God sees. Colossians 3:17 says “and whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.” Also, verse 23 in the same chapter says “whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.”
It can be a battle to fight our flesh and sinful nature but we have to crucify it, especially when it comes to comparing ourselves to our husbands. Our husbands are made differently. They can and should be supportive in the role of raising our children. Let’s face it though, it will never be 50/50, especially when they are working hard outside of the home providing for the family. Don’t resent your husband or serving your family because your role looks different. It can be so easy to think they have the better end of the deal, when they are probably secretly thinking the same thing about you.
I remember how much I resented my husband when our daughter was first born. He got to leave the house to go to work and was void of the physical responsibility of caring for this baby while I was home on maternity leave. He didn’t wake up when she cried in the middle of the night to be fed, changed, and comforted. I would get mad while I looked at him sleeping, stumbling to get up yet again.
We are in a different season now. Although he never says anything to me about this, I often wonder if he looks at me the same way when he gets up at 4:00 am and I’m peacefully sleeping. He goes off to the workplace, walking six to seven miles a day on his feet with hard labor, in the heat and humidity while I stay home in the air conditioning. Even though taking care of small children is hard work, I do get to sit and rest a lot. It’s just a different kind of work. I remember another time feeling like he gets a break from his “job” and gets the weekend off when mine literally never ends. There are always dishes to be done, meals to be made, etc. See what I mean? We have different roles and my “hard” is different than my husband’s “hard”.
We both have a hard so there isn’t room for resentment and being ungrateful when you fully embrace the role that God gave you as a woman. I know it’s hard and at times you will have to battle your flesh. It’s called being a human. If I’m honest, I’m sure later this week I am going to have to come back to this post, read my own words and remember my own advice!
I heard a quote by Martin Luther that really spoke to me.
“Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave.” I want to be this wife who makes her home a refuge and her husband is happy to come home!
I say all this to put everything in perspective. Despite our sinful tendencies, we have to remember it’s a joy and a privilege to serve the family God blessed us with. I don’t want to wish these years away. As hard as it can be in this season, I want to encourage you. When I was struggling with feeling like things weren’t fair or I was feeling like Cinderella, I remembered these things. I also communicated to my husband that there are times where I do need a mental break and need his help. I made it look so easy he just assumed I had it and it was easier for me to do it in my groove than him since I spend more time with Remy.
I wasn’t accusatory, belittling, or disrespectful. I simply let him know the areas I was struggling in and he completely fulfilled his role of leader. He stepped in to my rescue, loving me and sacrificing like Christ. Since I communicated this in a way that would be well received, my husband has been amazing at giving me breaks and allowing me to full my cup so I can continue to pour into my family. I also couldn’t do it without quality time with the Lord in prayer, worship, and the Word.
Remember, we are to be submissive to our husbands but since it’s been displayed so wrong we are so resistant to it. If we aren’t embracing this yet, we may not want to serve our family or our husbands because we are full of resentment. I want to encourage you (and I can testify from personal experience) that when we do, God sees our obedience. He loves His daughters and wants us to be well cared for so he gives our husbands a command too; for our husbands to love us just a Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (Ephesians 5:25). When we do our part, God is faithful and our husbands do their part. When we operate in God’s ways, things just happen organically (even if it’s not overnight). I have said it so many times that God’s ways work. Spiritual laws just ARE and eventually you will reap what you sow. Because of this, we can rest and trust in God to joyfully serve our family.
Even when it seems unbalanced and unfair. Remember, the grass isn’t greener on your husband’s side either, and at the end of the day remember you are ultimately serving God.
