A woman’s sin

There is a woman I watch on YouTube and she frequently talks about the sin of a woman that resulted from the fall. That sin is our want to control and rule over our husbands. Our selfishness that says “what about me?” Oh man, is she right! The problem is, this sinful pattern of behavior directly goes against God’s command for us to have a gentle and quiet spirit that is submissive to our husbands.

I was watching a reality show recently- Married at First Sight. There is so many interesting points I can make about that show, but that’s not really what this is about. While watching, I had a revelation, and the Holy Spirit convicted me of this in my own marriage. My sin of pride, control, selfishness, and wanting to lead. The problem is, I don’t WANT to be/do these things in my heart, but in my sin nature, I want to. Maybe you can relate?

Of course, everyone has issues, but there is one major theme I noticed that is at the root of it all. Pride. Pride can make us very selfish and focused only on us, our feelings, and our needs with an inflated sense of self importance. All the couples who chose divorce could only focus on their needs, their wants, and their opinions so there was no room for the other person. So many issues could have been squashed if the wife just HUMBLED herself and tried to see things through the eyes of her spouse. She was more than capable of being a helpmate to this man, but she chose not to. She chose her own way. Yes, both parties should seek to serve and be humble BUT what if you could change the whole trajectory of your marriage by just working on YOU?

Only one couple out of the six decided to stay married. Guess what? They were the most humble. They thought about the other person more than they thought about themselves. They very clearly showed respect to one another and put each others needs before their own. Culture says “It’s all about me and my happiness. You need to meet all my needs. If you don’t do what I want or what makes me happy, then I’m out of this marriage.” These statements are prideful and marriage killers.

I’ve heard a couple pastors (from both genders) talk about the different between a contract and covenant. God created marriage to be a covenant that says no matter what, for better or worse, I’m here. The world (and even most of the church) looks at marriage at a contract. A contract says as long as you fulfill the duties in the contract our partnership will be intact but if you mess up, the contract is over. Most are looking for marriage to fulfill them and when it doesn’t…. their spouse is out.

Sure, we go into marriage wanting and expecting happiness, but if that is our sole focus and we aren’t willing to put someone else’s needs above our own, then we will be very disappointed. If you are married for any length of time, you know there will be moments in time (or even seasons) where you are not happy. My husband is not my savior and it’s unfair to put an impossible standard on him to meet every one of my needs. He can’t because he isn’t Jesus.

If I’m only focused on me, I’m going to be unfilled in my family life and marriage. I am a talker and I love to talk about my feelings and what I “know” will help the situation. I did a lot of talking, a lot of advice giving, and a lot of arguing my point. This didn’t work. My husband felt like I was belittling him, disrespecting him, and controlling him. It wasn’t the fact that I was trying to convey how I felt, it was how I went about it. Control and pride does not allow us to have a submissive spirit either.

What I’m NOT saying is that we should be mousy and never give our opinion, wisdom, or strength in an area. My husband and I freely talk about all things. There is a difference between a gentle and quiet spirit (one that is self controlled, meek yet powerful, ultimately trusting in the Lord) and a spirit that tries to rule, control, nag, manipulate and dominate to ultimately get her way. I’ve been this woman too many times. The outcome is never a good one.

I’ve heard it a few times and even our pre-martial counsel said it. The purpose of marriage is to make you holy, not happy. Marriage absolutely does bring happiness to your life, but it’s not the sole purpose. There will be times you have to put someone else’s needs above your own. There will be times of sacrifice, trials, peaks and valleys. Everything in marriage isn’t always going to make you happy but it will sanctify you if you let it.

We have two choices. We can either let our flesh rule or our spirit rule. We can seek God’s ways, humble ourselves, and unite with our husbands under God’s perfect design. Or we can seek to control and rule in our marriages. I’ve not walked this out perfectly, and I’m writing about it BECAUSE this is an area the Lord is working on me in. If He’s working on ME in this area, chances are other women need this reminder too.