The truth about submission and respect in marriage.

Ephesians 5:22-24

“Submit yourself to your husband as you do UNTO the Lord.” WOW this convicts me. I am not writing about this because I’m great at it- but the Lord has specifically been speaking to me in this area. As a result of the fall in the garden where sin came in, women can tend to want to be in control. Throw in a spirit of fear and you have the perfect combination for a woman who is independent and doesn’t know HOW to submit (Pick me!). The world tells us, “get a good job”, don’t depend on anyone, and be “miss independent.” As a follower of Christ, we are to follow His ways, and this includes submission to our husbands. Our level of submission to our husbands will reflect our level of submission to God. WHY do we have trouble submitting? I touched on it a bit already, but it boils down to pride, fear, and a lack of trust. The MORE we trust in the Lord, the MORE we will be able to submit to our husbands.

Someone once told me (this was a Christian woman) you only submit to your husband if he is worth submitting to. I immediately felt like this wasn’t right, but very soon after I realized that this belief comes so naturally in our sin nature and fallen state. I was unconsciously choosing this mindset as well. Of course, I should preface this with some clarification. If your husband tells you do to something that is directly in opposition to the word of God or causes you to be disobedient to God then you do not submit to that. OK…Let’s continue.. I realized I was submitting to my husband based on his PERFORMANCE, not his position (Ephesians 5, V23). I remember it vividly- my husband and I were in the process of having to make a decision. He has his own struggles (just like anyone) and he wasn’t leading me the way I thought he “should be”. He was struggling, distracted, and honestly, just trying to survive (insert games on his phone and video games instead of sermons, prayer, and Bible reading). But does he love Jesus and is he submitted to Him? YES. Instead of being supportive and grace filled, I was acting like a Pharisee. One day my husband and I were at church, serving in the youth ministry. During worship, I told God “if he raises his hands in worship, then I know he’s “doing the right thing” and I’ll submit to this.” Well, he didn’t. But God was silent, and I felt in my spirit that Lord impress on me that my mindset was wrong. This is His order in marriage. He was calling me to submit (and trust) because he is my husband, not because his performance is perfect. It’s great to have high standards for your husband, but realize he isn’t perfect. That is a very unfair expectation to put onto your spouse.

The Greek word for submit is hupotasso; it means “to place or rank under, to subject.” “hypo” means under and “tasso” means arrange-properly “under God’s arrangement,” i.e submitting to the Lord (His plan). We are to be in UNITY and agreement as one flesh. A house divided cannot stand. Ladies, we cannot be so much “in control” that WE want to control our husbands, but TRUST that God Is leading them, and we can be led by them. Am I saying that we NEVER speak up and are a doormat? NO! My husband always says we will make decisions together. He asks what my opinion is and how I feel. He has learned to trust my discernment and the level of wisdom the Lord has given me. I speak on what I feel the Lord is saying and he lets me know if that’s in alignment with what the Lord is telling him. Then once we are in unity my husband takes the final lead. Now, my husband and I make all big decisions TOGETHER and prayerfully, but he does LEAD. We are a TEAM and we have learned not to move forward unless we both have the Lord’s peace and we are in agreement. At the end of the day, I pray God’s will. I let my husband know he is a good man and I trust Him. I pray for unity and for God to lead my husband, and my husband to lead me. Now, I gently tell my husband if I feel a “check” in my spirit or any word of wisdom and we pray. God always is faithful to show us His truth and revelation on certain situations. It took us a while to get here. We’ve had a lot of strife in our marriage because honestly, he wanted to lead but I wanted to be in control. I would essentially shut him down and emasculate him, and then HE wants to be in control and would do whatever he could do to “win.” It was the perfect example of the battle of the sexes without the leading of the Holy Spirit and submission to God’s order. We can TRUST God is working in our husbands, and speaking to them to lead us. Even if he plays video games and doesn’t spend an hour in the bible a day like we might want them to! (Is anyone else’s husband a gamer?)

I watched a Tony Evans sermon on respecting our husbands. It convicted me and totally changed my mindset. You can watch it here. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FvmZodVovC