Quiet Talk…
One thing I am learning in life, especially in this season of my life is to lean into Jesus. I once heard a statement that we are in a constant cycle between the wilderness and promised land. In a way, I feel I am in them both simultaneously. When I first got saved, I lost everything. I lost my relationship with my ex fiancé and a good bit of my belongings. I sat it a mostly empty townhome compared to what it was. I felt such uncertainty, yet such peace at the same time. I was newly saved and the reality that God knew me, saw me, loved me, and spoke to me became a reality. He knew me by name. He cared about what I was going through. He comforted me and guided me. I was hungry to learn all I could- I couldn’t get enough of Him. It was so exciting. I devoured the word. I spent all my time listening to sermons. I journaled all the time what I perceived He was speaking to my heart. His presence saturated my home. I had this beautiful, quiet time just me and Him…..It was a time of heartache and extreme comfort. It felt like He was all I had. My life radically changed, and people that knew me felt I was so different. It felt a little lonely, but I had Jesus, so I had every thing. I would go out on my back patio and read the word, pray, and journal. I wouldn’t want to stop. I remember the Lord told me to soak it up because a time was coming where I was going to have a family and children. I would still have time with Him, but that particular time was special and to be cherished by me. He was so right.
I recently heard a song where the lyrics stopped in my tracks. Tears flowed from my eyes as that precious time with Him flooded into my memory. I took a sip of my hot coffee, early in the morning with my yummy coffee creamer and it almost felt like I went back in time to that place where I was first saved and I was in His presence. I remembered that initial closeness with God as I started my relationship with Him.
“You pull me in, my face in your tender hands. I don’t need the thunder. I don’t need a sign.
I just need a moment, just you and I. You, me, in the quiet place. You see, all the hidden space.
You, mе in the quiet place. Maybе the greatest miracle is a conversation. Maybe the greatest thing I’ll do is talk with you. Maybe the thing I need to hear, is that all you want is quiet talk. I am aching for this quiet talk.” (Song is “Quiet talk”, by Jillian Edwards)
I MISSED that time. Jesus is our rock..But how many times does life happen? I know it’s happened to me. I know the Lord understands as I’m raising and caring for two small humans throughout the night and during the day. I still pray, read the word, and spend time with Him- but it’s not what it WAS in that season. And I can feel it…
Yes, we are absolutely called to have community. It’s VERY important. We need a circle of people we can do life with who can encourage us, speak life into us, and admonish us. Iron sharpens iron. But we also cannot put our full trust, joy, or happiness in man or things. It has to be in the Lord. My heart was aching for MORE time with Him. More intentional time….
I know I wrote before about how the Lord called me to step away from my career. That step away from my career in obedience opened another door to coming to South Carolina. I have been obedient and in my obedience – pruning and stripping is underway yet again. The Lord has shown me so many things in my heart that don’t look like Him. Fears, idols, and attitudes. I am in the promised land considering I have my husband and two beautiful and healthy children (a boy and a girl, just as I’ve always prayed for). I get to stay home with them and raise them. Yet, I find myself entering another wilderness season- once again- where I’m being stripped, just as I was in 2018.
God works on us in layers- it’s a constant process. I realized I was finding identity in things other than Christ. I was finding security in things other than in my Heavenly Father. I was finding happiness in how much square footage I had rather than the purpose God was calling me to. I love being home with my children. I am beyond grateful. But I was also feeling spiritually dry. There was an aching in me for that time with Jesus as I had before- and it was showing in my life.
It was showing up in how patient I was with my husband and children. Its was showing up as I continually thought the worst of others. It was showing up in ugly attitudes, motives, words, and a lack of faith. I was depending a little too much on how others were acting and on circumstances for my happiness and joy. I was reminded of my need for time with Jesus and my quiet time with Him. People let us down. All else WILL fail when that’s where we put our trust and joy. Material things won’t satisfy (at least not long term). The people closest to us will disappoint us and fail us- but God won’t. People are flawed, but the Lord isn’t.
When I’m arguing with my husband.
When my toddler is throwing a tantrum.
When someone says something “off the wall” to me.
When a friend disappoints me.
When I feel unseen and unappreciated.
When I’m worried about the number in our bank account.
Only Jesus can truly satisfy the longing and worry in our souls…I have to be reminded of this time and time again. Life gets busy; there are endless distractions and worries. There will be challenges and trials with the people around us. When that happens, we run to Jesus so He can refresh our soul. He can give us His point of view and perspective on what He’s doing in our life. The enemy brings doubt, confusion, and discouragement. When we go to Jesus, He brings peace, clarification, correction, and encouragement. I have been battling heavy discouragement during this stripping and refining process so I’ve been making it a point to have prayer, Bible, and journaling/quiet time with the Lord. In the process, He is giving me direction, peace, and encouragement. Don’t skip the “quiet talk” with the Lord….
When I have quality time in that quiet place I feel refreshed, loved, hopeful, and encouraged. I’m corrected so I don’t keep going in cycles that don’t serve me or those around me. I’m humbled. I am more patient, more kind, and more loving. I have received and can extend, more grace. I re-set my eyes on Christ and what has eternal significance instead of the temporal worries.
I’ll leave with you these Bible verses to mediate on.
Psalm 23:3- “He refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake.”
Psalm 51:10 “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.”
Zephaniah 3:17 ““The Lord your God wins victory after victory and is always with you. He celebrates and sings because of you, and he will refresh your life with his love.”
