Gratitude

It is the week after Thanksgiving where everyone is speaking on what they are grateful for. I have to admit, I felt immediate conviction. God has done so much in this season; all blessings even though sometimes things don’t FEEL like a blessing.

This has been a season of complete stripping. God is doing it for my ultimate good because I realized I had some very large idols in my life. My old home, my job, and money were just a few I can name off the top of my head. I’m learning that gratitude is tied to surrender.

Let me explain….

When my husband and I attended the church where we met, we were in a leadership pipeline. One of the tools that were used was a strength-finder. I was in the “restorative” category which meant I like to see things and people working at their best. I can identify what’s not working and come up with a plan to fix it. When I’m working at my “basement” level this type of personality can come across as critical. This bleeds into my thought life.

Instead of meditating on blessings and all I’m grateful for, I can identify and meditate on what is going wrong/not working so I can fix it. But, sometimes this isn’t my job. Sometimes the Lord is working in ways I can’t see. Sometimes I just need to realize we live in a broken and fallen world and there is no such thing as “perfection” on this side of eternity. Also, it shows my lack of trust in the Lord at times. Here are some examples…

Instead of being grateful the Lord allowed me to stay home to raise and care for my own children, all I could see was all we had sacrificed to come here and the one income we have (and the extreme tightness of our budget). I missed our old home, our old lifestyle (our own personal Egypt), our old church and friends. I was sad about our move here. I missed my old life and wanted to go back. I would stress about money when in reality the Lord has given me multiple opportunities to build streams of income at just the right times when we need it. It would take work of course, but if He called me to it wouldn’t He give me the grace to fulfill it? Instead of focusing on the negative I had to switch my mind to meditate on what is GOOD and being grateful of all the Lord HAS done in answering our prayers, even though its a season of sacrifice. To top it off, He is providing the right opportunities at the right times to help push me forward in my gifts and talents, building skills that will ultimately help me in the vision He has given me.

I was focusing so much on missing my old home- grumbling and complaining how much smaller this house is. I couldn’t see in that moment that our much smaller home provides a much safer environment for me to watch my toddler and a newborn. Really, this house is a blessing because I have less to clean (haha) and a smaller and more open space to chase my daughter around while I nurse our newborn. Our old home had a main floor-plan that was shaped in a circle, so you couldn’t see from one room to the other. I couldn’t imagine being in the kitchen and not being able to see my toddler in the living room. Also, she does this thing now where she climbs up onto the dining room chairs and climbs onto the table. That would have been an absolute nightmare in our old home considering we had a table/eat in kitchen area and a formal dining room that I couldn’t see from all areas of the main living space.

My husband does SO MUCH good but instead of focusing on all the good, I can nit pick a few things and really hone in on them. I can turn into a nag and honestly, just being critical of him in things that don’t really matter in the grand scheme of things. Of course, we chat about things that need addressed, but do I really need to gripe on him when he listens to YouTube a little too loud? Do I need to correct him when he’s not doing things a certain way with the kids? He is doing his best to HELP me after all. If he gets up in the middle of the night to change a diaper, am I going to be grateful for that and thank him or am I going to focus on all he ISN’T doing or let him know there is a “better” way to do it?

Someone donated baby clothes to us and instead of being so grateful in the moment we got FREE baby clothes for our soon all I could think was “ugh now I have all these clothes to wash!” What is wrong with me?! Haha- jsut being honest!

Instead of looking at my two, beautiful, healthy children and soaking it ALL in- all I can see sometimes are the sleepless nights and the monotony of the days. I see that there are other moms grieving the loss of a child or watching their child suffer in some form of sickness.

Our paradigm and beliefs guide our thoughts, which guides our words, which guides our actions, while ultimately guide our life. There is so much to be grateful for. God’s blessings are all around us, even in the stripping and wilderness seasons. Remember when the Israelites were in the wilderness for 40 years? They saw the giants when they reached Kadesh Barnea at the border of the Promised Land and believed the bad report. They were fearful. They practiced unbelief, disobedience, and complaining. The wildness experience was meant for them to learn to trust in God and they didn’t. Instead of trusting what God was doing and believing in HIS report and word to call them out of Egypt (bondage) and bring them into the Promised Land, they fell into sin and disobedience. Complaining is the opposite of gratitude. It’s a form of unbelief and surrender to what God is doing in your life.

When I’m not grateful I complain. When I complain I am really telling God “I don’t like where you sovereignly have me in this season and I don’t like what you’re doing in me, even if it’s really what I prayed for.” I need to remind my flesh (because flesh hates faith) that I trust what God in doing in me in this season. I trust the work He is doing in my husband, in my family, in our finances, and in our future. I trust that despite the stripping and the discomfort God is teaching us total dependence on Him, building our character, and pushing us into all He has for us- a good future.

Above all, these things are temporal. I’m most grateful for the salvation that is available through Jesus Christ. None of us deserve it, but in His mercy He freely gives us. For that- I’m eternally grateful.

Today I’m choosing to be grateful despite all of life’s imperfections and challenges. Somewhere, someone is looking at your blessings and wanting what YOU have. Somewhere in Haiti, there are gangs blocking the ports and preventing goods from coming in. Someone is literally eating dirt, flour, and salt cookies. Lord, thank you for all that I have. Help us to be grateful and meditate on all your blessings- physical and spiritual. I’m not going to meditate on what’s wrong. I’m going to speak life and lift others up. I’m going to have a grateful heart and watch God work in my life and the life of those around me. He’s doing something great, just watch….