Heart check…
This one is hard to write. My husband and I closed on our home. To preface this – we bought in the CRAZY market of 2022. You may or may not know the story (it’s in a previous blog post).
God did so many miracles for this home AND really worked in my heart. I came to SC on Monday April 4th, and we were supposed to close at 11am on the 5th. The lender didn’t quite get everything done in time so they delayed it a day. It was very stressful for my husband and I since we hired movers who were supposed to move us in Tuesday after closing. Well, the agents allowed us to have the keys after the final walkthrough prior two nights prior to closing (this doesn’t happen and is miracle from God) so that it wouldn’t mess up our movers and they could still move our stuff in. Our realtor graciously paid for our hotel to stay an extra night and the lender waived their underwriter fee for our troubles (and unfortunately that underwriter got fired).
On Wednesday April 6th at 4pm we finally closed! I will say- God showed me what’s really in my heart, and it wasn’t good! We downsized from a 2400 sq ft home to a 1400 sq ft home. Our previous home was like new; granite countertops with backsplash, stand up shower, large garden jetted tub, large and spacious walk in closets. It was LUXURY; it was COMFORTABLE. It was a symbol of STATUS for me. It also put space between my husband and I. The Lord in this process showed me just how attached I was to the things of the world and how I found value in it. He did the same with my job. Prior to leaving my corporate job, He showed me just how much of an idol my job was. I found such a source of identity in it.
As a child of God, I’m not to love the things of this world or find identity in anything other than Christ. There is nothing wrong with wanting a nice/safe place to live, but it HAD me. That’s the problem. When I stood in my new kitchen, unpacking and crying because I missed the luxury of my old home (from granite to laminate- new to old- large and spacious to small and cozy) I realized just how materialistic I was and how “things” had my heart. Idolatry in our hearts WILL be uprooted by the Lord. God is calling us to be humble and fully rely on Him. He’s the source of all.
After I realized this, God began to show me my perspective. I was focusing on what I didn’t have, rather than all the miracles God did. We wanted the fancy house so badly, but we were miserable to attain it and in our comfort, our spiritual lives suffered. He reminded me how we had all of the shiny fancy “things” and the big house but we were a slave to payments and felt in such lack that I hardly ever wanted to be generous and giving. In regards to our physical dwelling, yes, we downsized and “downgraded.” In regards to everything else, GOD BLESSED US IMMENSELY. He used the equity in our home in just a year and a half to pay off all our debts, have enough for a down payment on our new home, and allow us to have some leftover for the upgrades we had on our heart, plus some to pad our savings!
Besides our mortgage, He took us from being up to our eyeballs in debt to being DEBT FREE. He took the Red Sea and parted it so I could be a stay at home mother to our beautiful child (soon to be children) and focus on my call at home (my first ministry). He allowed me the time and resources to focus on creative ideas for ministry for His glory. He gave my husband and I a fresh start in so many ways. We are less stressed, laughing and joking more, and feeling a sense of new found freedom. We are “uncomfortable” which makes us depend on the Lord more. We are seeking God more than ever, growing in sanctification and chasing His purpose. The work He is doing in both of us is so great that in the unknown and the humbling I’m excited to see what His plans are.
Yes, our blessings can be material and physical, but in this circumstance they are also spiritual. Things don’t matter, Jesus, His kingdom and His glory is what matters.
I’m so grateful that the Lord gives us what we NEED, not necessarily what we want.