Reminder; I prayed for this..
Ever since I can remember I wanted to be a wife and a mother. I wanted a family. I remember being engaged, how I couldn’t wait to cook dinner for my husband and pack his lunch with cute love notes.
I did that for awhile… and then it seemed like a burden. “Why can’t he ever pack his own lunch?” Then I remember- I prayed for this.
We are moving. I’m 11 weeks pregnant. I’m EXHAUSTED. Between packing, cleaning, my 10 month old daughter being curious (and I think teething) and vomiting over the trash can, I broke down. Then I remembered- I prayed for this. I prayed for an opportunity to be home with my babies and becoming a stay at home mom. Downsizing and moving was the answer.
Then there’s my husband. My sweet husband whom I love, but also challenges me. I am not telling you the following to dishonor him, but show you the reality of our challenges. He is the leader of the family, yet I seem to be delegating the tasks to him because he’s overwhelmed. I clean an area, then he re-makes a mess and doesn’t put it away. His ADHD has his mind is all over the place and in the time it takes him to perform one task, I’ve performed five. It aggravates me when I feel he is constantly distracted, procrastinates, and has trouble prioritizing and executing. He is someone who has areas of weakness where I have strength and I am the one God picked to be his helpmate in those areas. Then I remember- I prayed for this.
Being a mother. Oh my do I love my sweet Remy girl. I can’t wait to have another. I love her so much it hurts. There is a song called “All that I’m after” by Kalley. If you remember (or maybe you haven’t heard) a worship leader at Bethel tragically and unexpectedly lost her Yvette young daughter. As a result, she wrote this song. I couldn’t help but bawl my eyes out as I was packing while this song came on, as I was reminded how one of my acquaintances lost her daughter (also unexpectedly and around the same age). My mama heart ached and I cried. I couldn’t even imagine this. Yet a few hours later, I was completely overwhelmed, touched out, and needing a break from my fussy daughter. Then I remembered I prayed for this.
I love my family God has blessed me with. Sometimes in my carnality I am overwhelmed. I want to be selfish instead of serve. I want a break instead of being needed by everyone, all the time. I want to just be free of my responsibilities even if it’s just an hour. But at the same time I wouldn’t trade them and would be devastated if God decided to take them home before we got to live a full life together.
I finally got some alone time in the bathtub (where I’m writing this blog post- glamorous i know) and I hear my husband playing with my daughter. Everything still aches from the day- but I got some quiet time and I’m ready to go back at it. Sometimes we just need to focus on Jesus and all He has blessed us instead of what our flesh sets it’s desires on.
My heart is full. I prayed for them and I’m going to be grateful for them. ❤️🙏🏻
